Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
