I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
