Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
