not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
