Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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