She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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