Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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