she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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