Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
