I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
