I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
