My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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