i used baking grease as lip gloss
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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