i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mom said you looked used
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
