i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
