I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
