Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
