found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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