You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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