For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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