I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
