Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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