why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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