I wish I only lived at night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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