I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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