she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
handjob tips. give me some.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
