i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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