Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
