I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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