i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
