then he tried to convert me to islam
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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