Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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