Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
