we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
