I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
