just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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