I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
