mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
