i just google imaged poop.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
