This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
