Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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