I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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