I am puke
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We are all done wearing pants today
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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