her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
