i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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