see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need water and some morals
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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