i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
