Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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