He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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