don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's shark week go big or go home
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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