I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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