I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
