OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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