hotel room ftw
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
