What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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