i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
