This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
