I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
