that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
