And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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