I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
