she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
