So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
