summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
