I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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