i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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