from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
