i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
