her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
