I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
