8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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