i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dick very happy bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
