So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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