Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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