Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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