Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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