who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
