Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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