His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
