just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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