it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
