Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
